Maybe I made a bad choice today. OK, I did make a bad choice today. I'm good at that. Isn't that why we are all her on this journey... I know its the reason I assume lives...

I guess I had become complacent in such a great relationship. I could fuck up, and yet, things always came out right. Not this time. I really screwed up. I was mad, or rather irritated. I have always been the caretaker of our children. Yes, the three oldest were mine from a previous marriage but, I guess I expected Jamie to take on the roll of father seamlessly. Does that ever happen in a blended family? I had hoped it would in our "perfect" relationship. No one really has a perfect relationship, yet I allowed myself to think that our love and our pasts would make for a damn near close scenario.

I guess I was in that honeymoon stage until today. I have been kidding myself. I have been ignoring things I should not have. Jamie is wonderful, Jamie is understanding but, Jamie is not their father. As much as he would like to be, or maybe as much as I would like him to be, he is not unbiased towards them in the way a biological parent is. If we had not had a sweet little boy together it might be different. He plays favorites even when he thinks he isn't. It makes things hard. He just cant quite love them in the way that I do. I'm not sure how I ever thought such a thing was possible. I've come to equate the difference with the way I feel about my nieces and nephews. I love them yes, but...