I delivered my own baby this morning, I had been in a slow steady labor all night. I was standing in the birthing suit  wishing things would happen faster, it felt like so little progress has been made all night. But then I reached down between my legs and felt a bulge, is that a head? Little push, it is the head, a soft, fuzzy, warm little head. I beakon him over (kind face, dark brown/black hair, nicely built, makes love to me soft and sensuously, never fucks me, reminds me of wearwolf in Sookie books in look and mannerisms, kindness and caring, I am in love with his gentle caring of me, he is so opposite the love of my life, I want them both, but separately) I place his hands between my legs on the babies soft, warm head. He smiles in wonder. I smile into his kind dark eyes, there is so much love there, I feel drawn into him but not lost, I feel a peacfullnes and such an enveloping warm comfort. I reach back between my legs, I push, the soft head pushes farther out. In a moment I push again, I cradle her back with one hand and her tiny head with the other, I push again. She slides free and as I cradle her against my body I bring her up to my chest. I hold her close, wrapping my self around her beautiful, tiny little form, I rest my cheek on her tiny blond head. I meet his eyes, I am so in love with them both.

The dream again, not in a faint distant memory to be recalled later in the day kind of way either, but rather sitting bolt upright in bed clutching at the bed sheets kind of way. I knew what the day would hold the moment I woke.

Solitude with one special person is what I'm craving. Someone to give me all of their attention with nothing to distract us from one another. I am feeling lonely, in need of loving, and aching to be held and adored. I can't quite explain why I feel the need so deeply. Zack and I had been so close the last few days but then nothing. Distraction, very little eye contact, as if he pulled away suddenly. I'm not usually one for the dramatic but it felt like he walked out of the door to work this morning and took my heart with him. I feel empty and lost.

I know just which vehicle I'm seeking. I head directly uptown to an area full of homes that are owned by very privileged families. I find the house, its grand and beautiful with lush green landscaping, big high windows, and it is occupied by a young idealistic newlywed couple. I walk up the long winding driveway and turn towards the back of the house. I find just what I'm seeking as I turn the corner...